Just A Number..

Rick hummed, making sure Kevin was asleep before quietly taking the diary, pulling at the lock for a bit before giving up.

Mike stood at the door, laughing at him.
"Your never going to get that."

"But whats he hiding from me? I tell him pretty much everything. Only little insignificant shit is in my journal..."

"Let me read yours and ill give you a hint to his code." Mike smirked.

"Ugh fine." Rick got up and dug under the bed, pulling out a box. The box was full of pictures of him, Chris, Alex and other high school stuff but at the bottom was a small book that read "Property of Rick Cameron McGuire. DONT read." He handed it to Mike.

Mike grinned and nodded, opening the book.
"You remember the first time you told him you love him?"

"The first few pages are just things in high school. Whenever I was stressed I'd right in there." The first ten pages were things from his highschool days. He flipped to a certain page. "Here's the night when Syd came back and I went back to her. Before we found out he was pregnant." That page and a lot after that were about how he kept seeing Kevin's face everywhere. How he missed him. "And yeah, course I do."

"The month, day and year, thats the combo for his lock." Mike began reading.

"Kay. Thank you." Rick nodded and used the combination on Kevin's diary.

The lock opened, the every entry had a title and a date, starting from ten years old when he was watching his mother be depressed, missing his father and little things about when he had a cold or when he lost a tooth, or even his favorite toys, to when he was a teen, his mother and Quincy how much he hated that, Quincy was in the book alot, what he said and what he did to Kevin, a few pages had drops of blood on them from his mouth. A lot of talk about crushes and how he wanted someone like that, someone to have and hold, someone to love him like nothing else. Told of his illnesses and how much he hated it, explained how happy he was when he father died and came back to his mother, told of how much he hated when his mother didnt smile, told of Alex screaming at him and them not getting along. Told of the first night he met Alex and he sister what that cute guy she was with. Then it got into Alex telling him he was happy Kevin had never been born, that page and so many after it were stain with tears. Especially when it spoke of Rick, Sydney's husband and the week Kevin spent with him. The one page about him leaving when Sydney came back and the week after was stain with tears and blood, everything. Then when he got pregnant, how much he wanted the baby but was scared, when Rick came home with him and he felt loved. Then were pages on being pregnant and Rick committing suicide and dying, what Chris said and how he was sure Rick would grow tired and leave him. How he was only with him because he was pregnant. Spoke of how he was cutting and he knew the pregnancy would hurt him. Told of Rick raising his hand and how even though he wasnt hit, he had never been so hurt. Told of Alex telling him about his dirty cock sucking mouth. Told of the pains he felt when jr kicked him, told of waking up and seeing his baby and his family for the first time. Spoke of HAVING a whole family for the first time. Explained how he loved Zac but Zac hurt him by being Sydney's, talked about Zac and Quincy and how he detested it but he would deal as long as Quincy didnt hurt him, spoke of going through the slave trade and all the pain. Said how Zac was pregnant and he didnt like it, spoke of Rick having cancer, how he wished it were him instead, how he was afraid Rick would die and leave him all alone. Spoke of how he had been in pain lately, how he was always tired and felt like blacking out. Spoke of throwing up and thinking he was pregnant but not being sure, told how he hated himself and all of his faults, all of his sicknesses. Said how he over heard his mother and Rick talking, said how he would die if Rick left but how he wanted it, he wanted Rick to be happy with someone healthy and fit, spoke of wanting to die and never be back, it told of everything....

Rick cried softly as he read certain parts...
In his own journal the first entries were from when he was only seven. The first one was the day his uncle had started molesting him. Those continued until he was twelve. That day the page was stained with tears, it blurred some of the writing. Then he stopped writing altogether until he was almost fourteen. It read about how he hadn't wanted to have sex. He was so young and little then. He wrote about how gross yet good it felt for him but how he felt dirty. Then there were just little things like how Alex had tried to kiss him and he punched him, fights with Chris, stupid shit. Then it stopped until he met Sydney. He wrote of how beautiful she was and how he thought that she was the one. How he helped her get Carrie back but he couldn't stand the kid. The day Sydney had told him she was pregnant with his kid. He was ecstatic. He'd spun her around, kissed her, kissed her stomach until he found out she didn't want it... the page was also stained with tears on the day Sydney got her abortion. It skipped a while to the day he met Kevin. How the kid was cute but he didn't mention it much, he was in love with Sydney then. Then it skipped to the day he and Kevin had sex. How he saw Kevin underneath him during making love with Sydney. How he missed Keivn so much but how he couldn't break Sydney's heart. How KEvin deserved so much better. How he was terified of Alex hurting him for leaving Sydney. Then he wrote the day he couldn't take it anymore. How tommorrow he was going to leave her and go to Kevin. But only hours after that entry, Kevin had come to him, telling how he was pregnant. Rick wrote how excited he was but afraid that Kevin wouldn't want his child. He didn't write much until the day he had kissed Mike when Kevin stopped breathing. He said how it didn't even hurt but that was the most pain he'd ever felt. Then he wrote every night when Kevin was out for three months after having Jr.. The pages were unreadable from all the tears. Then how excited he was to have Zac. There were some pages with mostly questions. Like why Zac had helped Quincy when Rick watned to kick his ass. Therewere tears on the page when he wrote of how Quincy actually raped Kevin. How heartbreaking it was. He wrote how pissed he was when he found out Zac was pregnant with Quincy's children. How sorry he was for hitting him although he was still pissed. He wrote about how worried he was for Kevin. How terrified of Kevin leaving him again, going unconscious or dying so many times he never came back... but these days there were a lot of nightmares too.

Mike read everything, his heart aching for his babies.
"Rick...."
Maybe this was a bad idea, this was all private....
Kevin would be livid.

"Mike don't tell Kevin anything in there okay?" Rick sighed as he put the lock on Kevin's diary.

"I wasn't going to but you just read his diary...."
Mike sighed and handed Rick his diary back.

"And you gave me the combination sooo, if you tell were both in trouble." He winked., putting his journal back.

"What did his say? I have never actually read it." He wanted to know...

Rick did the combination again and handed it to Mike. It was far too much to explain.

Mike sat down and began to read, his eyes tearing up and before he was done he was crying. He handed it back and sniffled.
"My babies...."

"I know. It's awful..." Rick rubbed at his own teary eyes.

Mike hugged Rick.
"What are we going to do with you two?"

"I don't know momma." He smiled teary eyed.

Mike kissed his cheek.
"Im camping out in here with you two tonight." he sniffled.

"Alright momma, better tell Alex before he has a fit." He chuckled.

Mike nodded and went back to there room.
"Alex, im sleeping with the babies tonight."

"Okay, I'm coming too then." Alex smiled, stretched and stood before following Mike to Kevin and Rick's room.