Mistakes

"Baby, something's wrong. Tell me whats on your mind." Alex frowned.

"Well......We were talking about Daffy, and we both know it bothers you because he was my first. But your first was the only one to ever topped you......That's makes it even more special." Mike looked away ashamed of feeling so jealous and upset like he did. "When I think special I think of my first time with you, the first time you kissed me....our first."

"I do too sweety. I'll... I'll let you top me if it'd make you feel better." He didn't like being on bottom but he wouldn't mind if it was with Mike.

Mike shook his head slowly, that wasn't fair, there was no way for Alex to feel better when he thought of Mike's first. And he knew Alex didn't like it so.....he wouldn't do it.

Alex began to welcome the idea.
"I mean it. Would I be the only time you've topped?"

"Yeah, I have never topped before." Mike shrugged, he just was never the dominate person, he never would be.

"Then I'd be your first! Mike then we could have that together!" Alex beamed, feeling like a giddy child. "Daffy might have been your first but I'd be the first you topped." He smiled.

Mike looked down at him weirdly, he didn't know if he could top. He didn't think he could hurt Alex like that, he knew how bad it could hurt. "Are you serious?"

"Dead serious." Alex said still grinning widely. This idea was perfect in his eyes.

"Alex, baby I don't think that is a good idea." Mike kissed Alex's cheek. "I am not experienced, I would hurt you. I cant."

Alex's eyes filled with hurt.
"I don't care if you hurt me. You're hurting me by not doing it too." Alex frowned. "If you do it, it will be physical pain. I can deal with that. I can't deal with emotional pain. I just want us to share something special Mikey." Alex pouted, turning his head away to hide his trembling lower lip.

"Alex, don't please. Shhhhhh, its okay." Mike tired to calm his lover down. "You know I love you, every day with you is special,every kiss, every time you say my name, its special to me. And.......I know how bad it can hurt, I have bottomed my whole life. I........I can't hurt you like that baby, you should know I can't." Mike turned Alex's head to look at him. "Your so precious, I cant hurt you."

"But... I want you to." Alex frowned, looking at Mike pleadingly. "Please?"

"N-No....Don't make me hurt you." Mike caressed Alex's cheek. "Ill beg, I dont want to hurt you in any way, not emotionally or physically."

"But you are hurting me emotionally by not doing this. And trust me that hurts much worse. Chris didn't even prep me, and believe me it hurt. I know how bad this is gonna hurt but I want it. So bad. Please."

Mike let out a shaky sigh. "Fine, but not n-now." Mike got up and left the room, he really didn't want this. Didn't want to know he was going to have to hurt his husband. Mike walked out side onto the porch and sat down on the door steps, cradling his head in his hands.

Alex was satisfied but he didn't get why Mike was so against it.
Alex buried his head in the pillow.

Mike was miserable, all he did was think about what he had to do. He couldn't go back on it no matter how much he wanted to.

Alex walked out on the porch to Mike. He needed to know.
"Mike, is there a reason you're so against it? I mean, I know we haven't had sex in a while but... did I really get that old? Am I gross or something?" He asked.

"Alex, you have not gotten old or gross or anything like that. You just as sexy as you have always been baby, Im just against hurting you. Apparently Chris didn't love you like I do." Mike hung his head after he thoughtfully looked Alex over, decided that still Alex was the sexiest man alive.

"I know Chris didn't love me. We were bluffing baby. We were friends since we were little but the sex was just a one night thing. We never dated or anything." Alex confessed. "And sweety, I'm asking you to do it. I know it's gonna hurt but I'm a big boy."

"Well then Im not.....If I have to do this to you it doesn't mean I have to want to." Mike looked at Alex, a frown in place. "He might not have cared but I do."

"It'll make me happy sweety. Don't you want to make me happy?"

"Yes I do Alex but....." Mike didn't even finish, it didn't matter, whatever Alex wanted he would do, not matter how much it hurt him to do it.

"I just thought you'd want to do it." Alex whimpered, looking down at his feet.