Unwell

All day starin' at the ceilin' makin' friends with shadows on my wall
All night hearing voices tellin' me that I should get some sleep
Because tomorrow might be good for somethin'
Hold on, feelin' like I'm headed for a breakdown
And I don't know why


Angel was in the mental institution again, nothing to do but sit around all day and thats where he was, laying on his bed and staring at his ceiling, making friends with the voices in his head.
"How was your day?" A kind voice, the one he liked asked.
"It was alright." He spoke.
"No it wasn't! Just another day when your unwanted you psychopath." That was the harsh voice....
"Psychopath...Is not a nice word..." He whispered quietly.
They spoke for a while, a doctor came in and left a tray of food, his medication in one of the foods but he didnt care,he ate it anyways. The voices got tired, they plagued him to sleep but they kept him awake with there constant babbling.
It was horrible, his eyes would slipped close and he'd be damned if they didnt start speaking to him again.
It was their fault he was always tired, their fault he was insomniac, all their fault...
He wanted them gone. Every last one.
"Go to sleep Angel baby, maybe tomorrow we can get out and go see Higgy? He said he would visit." The sweet voice tried to give him a reason to sleep in its cheery tone.
"No. Tomorrow will be the same, no one wants you around Angel, not us, not Higgy, not your family."
"What family?" Angel asked aloud, making the guard at his door peek in and shake his head.
"Freak." The guard muttered.
Angel started to say it, Started to tell him freak was not a nice word but the voices started speaking, all at once and it HURT.
He hardly could stand it, he banged his fist against his temple as hard as he could, over and over but the voices wouldn't stop.
Before the guard could get help to make him stop, he hit himself so hard he knocked himself out.
Why him? He was such a good boy if he had not been abandoned, if he had not been so fucked up....
Why?
No one knew.


But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me


He woke up the next day, Higgy sitting on the bed beside him, holding his hand.
He remembered last night, then remembered Higgy saying he would come and doubting him...
He grinned widely.
"Hey Higgy."
The man looked over at him and smiled.
"Hey Angel..."
The boy knew Higgy was going to ask about it, ask about the voices and he hated it...He didnt like it, like the way people looked at him and called him crazy....
"Im not crazy Higgy!" He sat up quickly, surprising the man who had just opened his mouth.
"Im just...Im not crazy..." His voice dropped a few decibels.
"The what are you Precious?" Higgy squeezed his hand.
"Just....sick...ill...unwell I guess." He gave Higgy a broken smile which was returned, but Higgy's smile was a tired one, one of sympathy and worry.
Higgy knew Angel was good....He was around when the voices were silent, he was there through everything.
He knew a different side of Angel no one else knew.
"You...You umm...Going to be here a while?"
"Why?" Higgy raised a brow.
"Well...Im hungry and im all cooped up, take me out for lunch and a walk around your place? A walk around that creek I like?"
"Sure Precious."
Anything to keep that rare smile plastered to Angel's face.


I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be, me


Angel was nervous, Mike, or whatever he called himself had checked him out and taken him to meet his family. The Angel, the one buried deep in him, the small boy that had been broken up was excited, ready to meet his mother. But...The voices and the Angel he had become to protect himself were bitter and wanted nothing to do with this family.
It didn't go well.
He was mean to his mother, cruel to his siblings and hateful to Mike.
But Higgy was there. Higgy saved him from showing out anymore than he already was.
He hated how he was, he knew they all thought he was insane....Wanted nothing to do with him no matter what they said.
If only they could see him for him, not as the cruel, crazy monster they met.
But as the gently hurt, scared boy he was.
He wanted the voices gone...
He wanted the men in white coats to go away.
He wanted his momma...
He wanted a family...
He wanted to be normal...
He wanted them to think of him as family, not as the weird kid their memaw had made a mistake by brining him home.



I'm talkin' to myself in public, dodging glances on the train
And I know, I know they've all been talkin' about me
I can hear them whisper, and it makes me think
There must be somethin' wrong with me
Out of all the hours thinkin', somehow I've lost my mind


Angel was in a tee, with Higgy, sitting outside his families house and watching, talking to himself quietly as Higgy watched with a raised brow. Of coarse he moved spots so Higgy couldn't see him. He knew he had nothing to hide form Higgy but still...He loved him and Higgy was the only family he had, he didnt want Higgy thinking any less of him than he already did.
He watched as the man...Zac...What was supposed to be his mother cried into his...fathers chest. He bet his mother was crying because he was so fucked up, because he had a child that was so weird.
"No he is not." Higgy hummed, snapping Angel out of his thoughts.
"Huh?"
"He is not crying because he he don't like you, or he is ashamed. I bet he is just upset because your like this and he thinks its his fault."
Angel was quiet, the voices in his head giving there unwelcome opinions.
"He is full of shit, lying to you. You made a fool of yourself, they want nothing to do with you."
"Angel he is your mother, he loves you and he understands."
"He wishes you were never born."
"He wants you home."
It went on and on and on.
"STOP!!!" Angel wailed, banging his head against a tree.
Higgy was not surprised by the outburst or the way he hurt himself but he was quick to get over there and take Angel in his arms.
"Shhhhm Angel its okay..."
"N-No! Make them STOP IT!" He growled but Higgy made sure he couldnt hurt himself anymore, his forehead was already scrapped and bleeding.


But I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me


"Come on Angel, lets go get your forehead taken care of baby." He wrapped the small boy in his arms and jumped from the tree, quickly running home with the small child. It took not time at all for him to get home and clean the small boy up. Angel just bowed his head, tears pricking his eyes as the voices simply got louder and louder.
"Im not crazy...." He whimpered.
"I know baby."
"Im not Higgy...R-Really im not!"
"Angel..."
"D-Don't." He put a hand to Higgy's lips.
"Don't what?"
"Don't tell me you know...You think im crazy just like everyone else..."
Higgy shook his head but didn't say anything, he just pretended Angel wasn't crying...
Pretended the small boy was not talking to himself.
Pretended he didnt cry for a mother he now knew for sure existed.


I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be


Angel was put to bed that night, but he was not all alone. Higgy laid down with him, promising him that he would be there all night. Even so the voices plagued him, gave him no rest and no hope of ever getting better and being normal. After Higgy was asleep he simply got up and wondered the house all night. It was lonely....It always was even though the voices were never gone. Not even in his sleep would they give him a break. Angel wanted peace, he wanted the voices to go away, all of them. He wanted the man who claimed to be his mother, he wanted a family to love him and take care of him.
Angel never got that. He was passed around as a child, broken until he was crazy.
But even though he knew he was inane, it still hurt and he hated for people to call him that.
Crazy...
Insane...
Mental....
Freak......
They were all the same.
By the time Higgy got up in the morning Angel was still up, sitting in the window sill and carrying on a conversation about what to do now.


I've been talkin' in my sleep
Pretty soon they'll come to get me
Yeah, they're takin' me away


Higgy sat up and ventured over to the window, standing there and sitting a hand on his shoulder.
"Angel...baby...Can't sleep?"
"No..."
"Want me to get you some warm milk and some sleeping pills?"
"I don't ever want to see a pill again, not as long as I live."
Higgy sighed, just standing there for a moment and watching the boy shake.
"You know...You got me right?"
The boy didn't answer, what Higgy didn't know was that he was about to have one of his fits, the boy was Bipolar and Schizophrenic. Higgy knew he could be dangerous but when he looked into the tortured grayish blue eyes, he forgot.
That was a horrible mistake.
"Angel?" He shook the boy lightly.
"STOP FUCKING TOUCHING ME!!" The child screeched, tuning around and clocking Higgy in the temple with his small fist. His was caught off guard, falling back and knocking his head on his bedside table.
His head was bleeding, a gash in the back of it gushing blood.
The boy was frozen in shock a moment before snapping out of it.
"HIGGY!!"
The yell was horrific, but it didnt even scratch how scared he was.
How sorry.....


I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwell
I know, right now you can't tell
But stay a while and maybe then you'll see
A different side of me


Angel looked up at the bright blue sky, a smile gracing his lips as he breathed in the fresh air. He and Higgy were at a small creek beside Higgy's place. Higgy was fishing and he had himself a sketch pad out, drawling flowers and fish, hiding the sketches of himself, dead and tortured underneath his new drawling.
Another thing about Angel, he was paranoid, always watching his back like someone was going to sneak up and get him. He trusted no one, not even Higgy sometimes.
He also had severe anxiety and depression....
Higgy was having a good time.
For angel everything would be good and happy for a moment but then depressed and in edge.
Angel giggled at Higgy when he caught a fish and it stuck him with its back bone.
Higgy grinned at him and only a second later his smile was gone.
What was he doing? Higgy had a fucking hook....
He would hurt him..
Angel scurried away and up a tree, staring down at him.
"Angel? What are you doing?"
"Stay away!" He hissed, climbing higher into the tree.
Higgy sighed and sat down in the mud.
"Angel baby, I wont hurt you..."
"Whatever! Stay the hell back!!"
Higgy shook his head and nodded, going back to fishing and just waiting for Angel to come down. He would do it on his own time.


I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impaired
I know, right now you don't care
But soon enough you're gonna think of me
And how I used to be yeah, how I used to be


He was finally home. Angel stepped into his house and immediately his nose scrunched up in disgust. It was so....FILTHY!!
But Higgy stood behind him and he saw the cleanest house in the world. Everything was white, extremely clean. Anything with pain on it was now so clean the paint was washed off. It was insane as was the child living here. Angel had what seemed like every cleaning utensil known to man set up on his dining room table along with all soaps and cleaners. He had gloves and paper towels, everything needed for heavy duty clean up and that was all Angel did, you touch it, it needed to be cleaned, the thing beside it needed to be clean and the next two things beside that needed a good scrubbing.
"Whatever, this is fucking...scary clean." Higgy muttered as he by passed Angel, stepping onto the plush white carpet.
"Gross...." Angel followed, hugging himself as he went around his house.
Needless to say for the next three days all Angel did was clean and Higgy went out and killed a few dear for meat which Angel refused to let inside his home...He refused to eat it.
And the cycle would continue like this until someone stepped into Angel's life and changed it.


How I used to be
Well, I'm just a little unwell
How I used to be, how I used to be
I'm just a little unwell