Can't Do It Alone

"I haven't. I'm not gonna pretend I have but I'm prepared Evan. I know this is gonna be rough."

Evan nodded. "She'll start chemo next week, we'll start the vitamin therapy tomorrow..."

Randy frowned, running his fingers through her beautiful brown hair which she would soon lose.

"Let's get her home," Evan said softly.

Randy nodded lifting he up gently and carrying her out to the car.

Evan didn't want to cry anymore, not in front of Dessi and Randy. He bit his lip to stop the trembling.

Randy kissed Evan softly and rubbed small, soothing circles on his back.

"It's not fair..." Evan whimpered.

"I know. It's not." Randy nodded in agreement.

"I can't do this again.....I can't...."

"We're gonna get her help. She'll live Evan. She will." Randy said firmly. He wasn't sure if he was convincing Evan or himself.

"She has to, she's all I have of him..." Evan said softly.

"She will. Don't worry honey." Randy reassured.

"You wanna hold her again on the way back?" Evan asked.

"Mhm." Randy nodded. "Unless you want to."

"You can, she likes it when you do," Evan said.

Randy nodded, and set Dessi back in his lap.

Evan got into the car and started the drive home.

When they got home Randy laid Dessi on the bed and placed a small kiss on her forehead before walking into the living room with Evan.

Evan sat on the couch, a picture pulled tightly to his chest.

"What's that?" Randy asked.

"Him," Evan said softly.

Randy nodded. He hid the pang of jealousy in the pit of his stomach. He knew Evan would never truly be over Chris. There was a part of Evan's heart that Randy would never have. That part was for Chris.

Evan sighedhe walked over to his stereo and sat down on the floor, the words swallowing him whole

I stumbled across your picture today
I could barely breath
The moment stopped me cold,
Grabbed me like a thief.
I dialed your number, but you wouldn't be there
I knew the whole time, but it's still not fair
I just wanted to hear your voice,
I just needed to hear your voice.


Chorus:
What do I do with all I need to say
So much I wanna tell you everyday
Oh it breaks my heart,
I cry these tears in the dark
I write these letters to you,
But they get lost in the blue,
'Cause there's no address in the stars.

Verse 2:
Now I'm drivin'
Through the pitch black dark
I'm screaming at the sky
Oh cause it hurts so bad
Everybody tells me
Oh all I need is time
Then the mornin' rolls in
And it hits me again
And that aint nothin' but a lie.

Chorus:
What do I do with all I need to say
So much I wanna tell you everday
Oh it breaks my heart,
I cry these tears in the dark
I write these letters to you,
But they get lost in the blue,
'Cause there's no address in the stars.

Verse 3:
Without you here with me,
I don't know what to do.
I'd give anything
Just to talk to you
Oh it breaks my heart,
Oh it breaks my heart,
But all I can do
Is write these letters to you,
But there's no address in the stars.

Randy bit back a few tears. He knew it was unfair to be upset. Evan had every right to miss Chris. But that didn't stop it from hurting him.