Will to live

"you been thru some bad thing and you've forgot how to be happy thats all"

"I miss my old life" He whimpered.

"i know but you have to try and move on Rayner" said Hunter gently

"I don't want to move on" He said rolling over.

Hunter softly sighed and said "i know"

Rayner sighed before sitting up, "I hate the world we live in"

"i know i hate it sometimes too" replied Hunter

Rayner stood up and walked over to the window.
"Back in East Germany, everything for your life was planned out for you. Your job, your family. As much as I hated it there...it all sounds so easy now"

"but you hated it there" said Hunter as he walked over to Rayner

"I did...I had to leave or I would have been killed, like my first love" He said sadly.

"i'm sorry" said Hunter then he continued "but i don't think he would have let you try and kill yourself, he would be doing the same thing i am now"

"Maybe...I dunno" He said before pressing his skull against the window.

Hunter wrapped his arms around Rayner

Rayner breath ghosted across the cold window. "I need a place in life"

"you'll find one" promised Hunter softly

"I've been looking for one for 35 years...I'm tired of searching"

Hunter sighed then he said "please don't give up there's always a way and hope"

Rayner slid his fingers down the side of the window, "I lost hope long ago..."

"someone dear once told me the worst thing in the world is to lose hope" he said "but they also said its the easiest thing to find and to have"

"Hmph who said that?" He puffed.

"my first lover before he died of heart problems"

Rayner lowered is head before settling down on his knees.

Hunter hugged him again hopeing with all his heart that he could find a way to help Rayner find happiness and hope again

He lifted his hands up and slammed his palms down on his thighs. Standing up he pulled the window wide open.

"what are you doing?" asked Hunter