Just A Number..

"C'mon I'm your little monster." Zac gave a toothy grin as he hugged his mother from behind.

Kevin gave a sigh of relief, his arms resting intop of Zac's.
"Mine....."
It was all he could say.
Zac was his and one day he wouldnt have to think twice about who his momma was.

Zac gave a confuse dlook before he understood.
"You thought I meant Sydney? Hell no. What part of I. HATE. HER. didn't you get?" He grinned softly.

"She is your mother Zac, it bothers me."
No one could know how much he longed for Zac to be his.

"No she isn't. Stop calling her that. you're my mother in every way that matters."

"Baby...It just bothers me....Especially when I think of how she got rid of you. Your so precious...So special. You didnt deserve that and she is a fool to let you go."

"Yeah, but I wouldn't be me if she had me." He smiled softly. "I wouldn't be little fucked up, bitter, hard headed me that for some reason you love."

"Zac...I don't like it though, if....Im not even going their."
If Zac was his...

Zac sighed.
"You think I like it? No. But it hurts when I stop to think about so please, let's change the subject." Hurt shown in Zac's eyes.

Kevin turned, pressing Zac to his chest.
"Hurts me too baby, I have always wanted a family, I wanted a father, I wanted your daddy, I got a baby that I wanted but got it by surprise and then I got you...But your not mine. Right now what I want more than anything is for your daddy to stay with me and for you to be mine."

Zac had not cried in forever. He just didn't do it. But he was close to it right now. He just refused to cry in front of anyone but his mother. And his memaw and Biddy were still in the room.

Mike stood up and tugged Biddy out at the look he got from Kevin.
"I want you to me mine more than anything in the world right now...."

"I want to be yours too. And in my mind I am. So please... can't we talk about something else....?" Zac's forehad rested on Kevin's shoudler.

"Baby im sorry it just hurts me. I even have nightmares about that bitch taking you from me....I wouldnt be able to take it."

"Momma she'll never take me from you... Never." Zac shook his head firmly. "Now if you make me cry imma be pissed."

"Baby im sorry its just.....You just dont know how many times I was up crying because I dreamed she took you away from me and she is your momma and she has that power and she might can take your daddy away....And he can take Rick Jr away....And you will all be gone..."

"She CANNOT fucking take me away. You are my mother don't give a fuck what anyone says."

"Baby your fourteen, you cannot stop it....I.....I...."
Kevin couldnt let her take his baby away ever.

"No. I can fucking stop it. I don't give a fuck what she wants or what anyone says I will NEVER call her mother, momma or mom. I will call her Sydney or what she should really be called. Heartless BITCH." He hissed, hugging his mother tightly.

"You will though, once you see her and she gives you an excuse and loves you up a bit, she will be momma in seconds, ill be mom. Soon ill be Kevin about the time she runs off with you and your father."

"Don't you think like that." Zac snapped, then his voice and eyes softened. "OF course, I wish I'd known her. I wish she'd wanted me. I wish I'd had a family growing up... but I didn't. And it was her fault." His eyes were watery. "She's the reason I cut myself. She's the reason I'm so fucked up. She's the reason the only person I have to like is a former rapist. I... I wish she wanted me but even if she does now, I can't forgive her. I hate her. I do. It's all her f-fucking fault." He hiccuped on the last sentence, single tear falling.

Kevin pulled the boy into his lap, coddling him to his chest.
It was normal for someone to want that, he wanted a family too but that made the difference....Kevbin wished Zac was his to begin with. Zac wished Sydney would have mothered him, wished Sydney would have wanted him and been a good momma and she would have been a better momma...Better than Kevin since Zac was hers. Kevin had nothing but pity if it come down to it.

"I-I just... I love you. Your better m-momma than her... I want a l-life... I want to g-go back and f-fucking live." He buried his head in Kevin's chest. "She k-killed me. She purposely fucking m-murdered me..."

Kevin held him carefully, kissing his hair softly.
"I know, My parents Mike have wanted me but I dead because they were young and stupid. They argued and your memaw went out and got raped. I was deal with in that way. I know what its like to want to live and go back but.....Now if I look at it I don't wish that anymore. Because I was dead and didnt have the chances, your daddy took my first everything. If I was alive I wouldnt have been out like I was, why I was. He wouldn't have made love to me, gotten me pregnant, or left Sydney. I might be dead but I have a fiance and I have a baby and....for the moment I have you."
Being dead was worth it, so worth it. But he wouldn't be mad at Zac for wanted to go back and live even though he wouldnt have Kevin as a momma or Rick Jr as a brother. He would have Sydney and his daddy along with Carrie and he deserved it.

"Now that you put it that way...." Zac paused as he thought. He never would have met Quincy if he was alive.... he'd just met him and yet... he was glad he was dead now...