I Shouldn't Love You, but I Want To

"You don't understand. I don't cry. Especially not in front of people." Alex shook his head, biting back tears already.

Evan patted the spot next to him. "C'mere," Evan said.

Alex sat down beside Evan, putting his head in his hands.

Evan wrapped an arm around his shoulders. "What happens in this room stays in this room Alex, you can talk to me," Evan soothed.

Alex let a single tear fall and took a deep breath.
"Everyone thinks I have it perfect. They don't stop to think about what I go through at home. Like I told you before, if my grade drops one more percent I'm off the football team. That's the only thing I like about my life. It gets me the popularity, the admiration. If I don't have football, I have nothing. The only time I get to see my dad is when he's watching me play football or when he's lecturing me about 'all those fucking faggots." Alex said, a few more tears slipping out. "He doesn't know I am one. I've made out with girls in front of him just to keep up the act. I'm so sick of faking. I feel like I'm being watched 24/7." Alex bawled, covering his face.

Evan pulled Alex close, rubbing circles on his back. "Shhhhhhhhh," Evan whispered. "You notice, my dad's not around either, you wanna know why?" Evan asked.

Alex just looked up at him questioningly, not wanting his voice to get high and squeak like it did when he cried.

Evan took a deep breath before he began. "Back at Sana Vista, I was dating the Quarterback," Evan began. "Everything was perfect for awhile, til his buddies wanted to get in on it." Evan continued. "One night after the game I met him in the locker room, just like I always did and his buddies pinned me to the floor, one by one they had their way with me, until he was the last one to take me." Tears rolled down Evan's cheeks. "When dad found out about it he called me a liar, said I was a faggot slut, that I wanted it, and mom threw him out."

"I...I'm so sorry Evan. Here I am complaining about my problems and they did that to you..." Alex shook his head.

Evan shook his head. "It changed me, for the better. "Evan blushed a bit. "It brought me to you...."

Alex smiled, but it faded.
"Evan, that's why I stopped what happened earlier. I... can't fall for another guy. Only two people have ever seen me cry. You... and Cody." Alex said, tears falling just at the name.
"He was my boyfriend for a few years. I loved him. We hid it well. But I had to end it. My dad came too close to finding out one night. I've been trying to turn myself straight since then, but it hasn't worked. I can't give you a real relationship, no matter how much I want to." Alex cried, head buried in Evan's lap.

Evan nodded. "I understand," Evan said, stroking Alex's short hair. "But if you ever want to try, I think I know how."

Alex nodded.
"I want to try I really do. I just don't want to hurt you Evan." Alex whimpered.

"You..." Evan said. "Could never hurt me."

Alex nodded.
"That's what Cody said. And yet I hurt him. I broke his heart."

"mi decollo mio guidacarta, se prendete decollo tuo attraversare, non hai devono essere invincibile perché sono certo non un santo am, sarete sempre il mio angelo, non importa cosa dovete fare, perché lei take me al cielo, essendo lei." Evan said.

"I'll take off my halo, if you take off your wings, you don't have to be invincible, cause I sure ain't no saint, you'll always be my angel, no matter what you do, cause you take me to heaven, just by being you."

"English please." Alex chuckled.

"I'll take off my halo, if you take off your wings, you don't have to be invincible, cause I sure ain't no saint, you'll always be my angel, no matter what you do, cause you take me to heaven, just by being you."

Evan's words touched Alex.
"Evan, I really want to give us a shot. If you're okay with hiding it then I'd really like to be your boyfriend..." Alex said, biting his lip.

"Absolutely," Evan smiled widely.

Alex grinned, leaning in to kiss Evan. Their lips just barely touched but it was enough.

Evan smiled against Alex's lips. He was happy again.

Alex gently pushed Evan back on the mattress and crawled on top of him. He kissed him deeply, tongue exploring his mouth. He didn't know if they were going to do anything more than just kissing, he just enjoyed this position.

Evan happily kissed Alex in return, he wasn't ready to go any farther than this, but he liked the way he felt with Alex like this.

Alex could tell Evan didn't want to go further than this and that was just fine with him. He pulled back an inch.
"Can I do this?" He asked tentatively, trailing kisses up his neck. "I won't if you don't want me to."