I Shouldn't Love You, but I Want To

"Your grandmother does everything too." Alex frowned. Sure, he enjoyed the popularity that came with being a football player but he would've liked to not have to struggle for his barely C average.

"She raised me," Evan shrugged simply

"It's official. I can do nothing." Alex grumbled. "I'm a good for nothing retard."

Evan looked up at him. "Don't say that," Evan said softly, laying a gentle hand on Alex's arm.

Alex was about to push Evan's arm away but something made him stop. He let Evan's hand there.
"But Evan, you don't get it. You don't know how it feels to work your ass off every single day and barely pass. You don't know how it feels to try your best and still constantly be yelled at to try harder. You know how we have the policy that if your grades are under a C average you can't play sports? Do you know how it feels to know that if your grade drops one, ONE tiny percent, the one thing you love to do will be gone?" Alex didn't yell this like he normally would have. He didn't feel like shouting at Evan. These were possibly the gentlest words he'd ever spoken. His whole heart was poured into these words.

Evan hung his head and nodded, before looking up at Alex. "you're right, I don't understand what you're going through, and I won't sit here and pretend I do," Evan said. "but if you wanted me too, if you'd let me, I could help you."

Alex refused to let himself cry in front of people. Ever. The only thing that saw him cry was his pillow. And he felt like he was about to break his own personal rule.
"You would?" He asked.

Evan simply nodded at first. A small smile spread across his face. "All you have to do is ask Alex," Evan said.

Alex tried to fight it but he gave Evan a grin.

Evan smiled back. He couldn't help it, he was falling, and falling hard.

Alex mentally debated on doing what his mind was saying no to but his heart was chanting "DO IT!"
"E-evan?"

Evan looked up, surprised when Alex stammered his name. "Yes Alex?" Evan asked.

"If I do something, will you promise not to tell anyone just yet?" Alex asked.

Evan nodded. "I told you Alex, I'm not a rat," Evan replied.

Alex took a deep breath, preparing himself for what he was about to do. He leaned in and gently, brushed his lips to Evan's. Just barely, but it was still very clear what he was doing.

Evan froze momentarily, his fears and memories over taking him. After a few moments her let his guard down and welcomed the action, blushing afterwards.

Alex ran his fingers through his hair, not believing what he had just done. And the worst part... he enjoyed it.

Evan turned away, a light pink blush in his cheeks.

"Sorry... I really shouldn't have done that." Alex mumbled quietly.

"It's.....it's okay," Evan stammered nervously. "It really is.

Alex sighed, putting his head in his hands. He wasn't sure which would be worse. Evan rejecting him. Or if Evan did want this and wanted a real relationship which Alex couldn't give him.

Evan didn't know what to do either. He didn't know what he meant to Alex and he didn't want to get hurt again.

"I... Do you want to leave?" Alex asked, he didn't want Evan to leave but he needed something to break the awkward silence.

Evan shook his head. "Not unless you want me to," Evan said.

"I... I don't know." Alex stuttered. He cursed himself under his breath. No one made Alex Riley act like this.