The Hardest Part of Parenthood

"At least let me try?" Jeff asked.

"Well......If you leave me I can finally end it all......okay." Mike smiled at the thought of not hurting anymore but the pain of loosing Jeff weight out the happy. "First off I was disowned only a little while ago, as you can imagine that was just cheeky. Mike sighed. "You momma died loving you...Mine dosowned me, called me a nasty faggot, told be she hated me....Daddy hit me."

"Oh darlin........" Jeff drawled softly, pulling Mike close to him. It hurt Jeff that Mike had kept this from him, but it hurt worse that this had happened to Mike because of him, because he was in love with him.

Mike shrugged. "It hurts......It hurts bad, Jeffey." Mike started at his wrist. "But it would hurt worse to be without you, so I chose you over them." Mike stayed silent for a few moments. "Didja know I lost my virginety at age 15.....yeah, whoever that man was it wasnt plesant." Mike mussed.

Jeff held Mike close and rubbed his back. "Don't you worry about that anymore love, nobody's going to hurt you anymore," Jeff said. "I'll protect you."

"Hmmm its hard not to think about it...it left scars....mental and physical,....hard not to worry about it or think about it." Mike grinned at Jeff. "Your the best thing that has ever graced my life ans the thought of someday you'll leave, scares the sit out of me." Mike sighed. "Say what you will.....it wonst stop the worry."

"I know you're scared darlin," Jeff said. "I know you are, because I'm scared you'll leave me too....."

This suprised Mike. Mike snuggled up to Jeff, his wrists stingning. "Why would I leave you....your everything.

"We both know I have my problems Mike," Jeff said. "My addiction for one."

'"I was under the immpression you had stopped." Mike muttered quietly.

"I have, but how many times have I stopped and then gone back to it in the past?" Jeff asked. "I'm terrified it'll happen again and I'll lose you."

"......Are you willing to risk me....for pills" Mike questioned.

"No," Jeff said truthfully. "You mean to much to me."

"Then don't worry. I'll be here...and if you did go back to....them." Mike spit the word out likem venom. "I would be here holding your hand and helping yoiu through it." But Mike added as an afer thought. "But don't ..... if you can help it don't, baby."

"I'm trying my best love," Jeff said. "I really am."

"I trust that you are...." Mike glanced down at a certain scar. "Who was your first babe." Mike sniggled into Jeff's side.

Jeff bit his lip. It'd been years since he'd thought about the man who'd claimed him. "Adam....." Jeff said softly.

Mike hummmmed "Well your mine now." Mike found Jeff's hand and played with the ring on his finger.

Jeff smiled, running his hand gently over Mike's hair. "That I am darlin' that I am."

"I wish I knew we would be forever..." Mike kissed the back of Jeff's hand.

Jeff nodded. "You'll know it in time baby," Jeff murmured.

How much time, Mike mussed to himself. How much time until this happy thing I call my life shatters.

"It's late darlin, you should get some sleep," Jeff said softly.

"Nah, you go," Mike paused. "Imma stay down here for a little bit."

Jeff shook his head. "I'm not leaving you alone again," Jeff replied.