Just A Number..

"Okay, every time you say that takes off an hour of cuddling me." He stuck his tongue out. "No you wont....Ask daddy about momma when he had it."

"Awwwww, c'monnn." Rick pouted, hugging Kevin tightly.

Kevin giggled.
"Daddy!!!" He hollered.

Alex popped his head in the door minutes later.
"Yeah baby?"

"Daddy was momma nasty when he had cancer?" He cocked his head to the side.

"Like looking? I didn't think so. I saw him the same as always but he said he looked gross. I never saw it."

Kevin grinned, kissing Rick's cheek.
"Momma always thinks he looks bad."

"Well, he refused to let my touch him or see him naked, not even to help him bathe." Alex pouted.

Kevin looked at Rick.
"That wont fly so no ideas."
He looked back at his daddy.
"And he got his hair back?"

"Yeah, it took a bit but he got it back." He nodded.

"And....When momma had cancer that last time...What was that like?" He listened intently.

"Wel what do you mean hun? Be a bit more specific..." Alex nodded. Rick stood.
"Um, Kev, I gotta talk to Mike about something... be right back."

Kevin nodded.
"Daddy when he was dying....Im sure he looked sick and whatever but in your eyes....what was it like watching him waist away."

"Baby I didn't want to worry him but it was awful..." Alex sighed. "I'm just warning you..."

"Daddy I need to know how aweful...You gotta tell me, I dont wanna be shocked and unprepared."

"Well, you know that if Rick dies he'll only be gone for a day or two. I didn't have that priveledge... it was awful, watching him get weaker every day. Struggling to do the simplest things. Watching him cry but try to hide it when he found hair on his pillow every morning. Watching him lose weight so fast... I always thought he was beautiful but there were times when it would scare me, how sickly he looked. You're like me, you'll always think Rick is beautiful but just be warned. And if he tells you not to touch him, or if he doesn't want you looking at him naked. Listen. Just let it go because if you keep pushing it will only make him think more and more about how disgusting he thinks he is and you could make him cry with that." Alex nodded.

Rick walked up to his mother in law.
"Um... Mike can I talk to you?"

Kevin's eyes teared up, he moved and hugged his father tightly.
"Im scared for him.....I dont know much about it but Momma had brushed the subject with me. He says the pain is aweful, the feeling of being gross and seeing it in your eyes. Daddy I don't want htat for Rick, I didnt want it for momma but this is my Rick....This is my everything. He does not DESRVE this! He has done nothing wrong." Kevin cried into hsi fathers waist.

Mike looked up, still looking tired and dishelved.
"Yeah baby, you know you can speak with me about anything."

"Oh baby..." Alex sighed, hugging Kevin tightly. "Trust me baby, I know how you're feeling. The only thing you can do, is be gentle with him. And when he starts feeling like he looks gross, tell him he's gorgeous, sexy and beautiful every chance you get..."

"Well... what if I don't have chemo?" He asked.

Kevin sniffled, nodding.
"I love you daddy..."
His daddy was superman....always...

"You will be dead within a month baby." He sighed as he looked at Rick.

"I love you too honey, more than you know." Alex said softly, stroking his son's hair.

"Well... we're already dead. So if I let it kill me, how long will it be before I'm back up?"

Kevin sniffled, holding onto his father tightly. His father always made him feel safe.

"Rick....Baby im not doing that. If you die so much there will be consquences and im not going to allow that. Rick no...." Mike shook his head.

"Mike, everyone else has the choice, why don't I? Some people don't want to go through all the pain... what if I don't?"

"Rick...Baby you need this. I know what you feel like, I had to do it to...For Alex and my babies....You have to do it for Kevin and your 11 month old and your fourteen year old."

"But...." Rick sighed softly. "But wouldn't it be better this way? Them only see me like this for a month? Instead of them having to watch me suffer for however long it takes?"

"Baby.....It seems that way but no. For you to die....it would break Kevin's heart. He would just....Atleat with chemo you have hope. He cant watch you die..."