The Hardest Part of Parenthood

"Jeff, now were you not listeing to me. You can't promise me things you dont know if you can keep. Baby, my heart is fraglie......I can get my hopes up and one day you be gone." Mike muttered, his hands resting on Jeff's shoulders.

Jeff sighed. He was too tired to argue any farther. He simply nodded and turned toward the stairs.

Mike stood where Jeff had left him. Mike's face was emotionless and his mind kept running over the thought that maybe, even though he doubted it, Jeff may leave him.

"You coming to bed darlin?" Jeff asked. "It's gettin' late."

"No...." Mike said, just loud enough for Jeff to hear. Mike stood there, subconciously one hand came up to cover the scars on his wrists.

Jeff nodded and slowly headed upstairs.........

Mike wondered into the kitchen, picking up one of the sharpest knives. Mike was sure Jeff was asleep. Mike slowly pressed the blade into his skin and tugged it away from him. A straight line of blood flowed freely and the he couldn't stop. Mike started cutting away.

Jeff had been sitting on the bed, worried about Mike as he almost always was. He decided to go try one more time to get his angel to come to bed. Wandering around the house trying to find him, his green eyes went wide when he finally did. "Mike!" Jeff gasped in horror.

Mike glanced up, His hands hiding behind his back, he looked like a small child caught with his hand in the cookie jar. Mike blinked at Jeff, not knowing how to handel this

Jeff knelt down next to Mike, a hurt look in his eyes. "Mikey......." Jeff sighed.

Mike stared at Jeff. "Yeah....." Mike hung his head, knowing Jeff was not a happy camper.

Jeff grabbed a dish towel from the drawer to stop the blood flow. "Why Michael, why would you do this to your self?"

"Its.....I.." Mike shook his head. "I don't want to talk about it." Mike leaned his head back, staring at the ceiling. "I like our roof." Mike said offhandedly, attempting to change the suject.

Jeff shook his head. "Mike......" Jeff said firmly. "Why'd you do it?"

"Hmmmmmm, it made the pain go away......" Mike admited. flexing his hand to see if it would bleed any more.

"You could've come talk to me baby...." Jeff said sadly.

"You wouldn't understand Jeffey...You don't know about everything that plagues me." Mike picked at the deep, bleeding, cuts.

Jeff took Mike's hands in his to stop him from picking at the wounds. "If you tell me then maybe I'd understand," Jeff said.

"But then maybe you would leave me........" Mike looked at Jeff. "You would leave me and this," Mike gestured to his writsts. "Wouldn't be all I do."

"I wouldn't leave you...." Jeff said. "I'd help you angel..."

"Nahhh...babe I don't think you would." Mike smiled at Jeff. "Thre somethings you don't know." Mike's smile fadded. "You dont need to know."

"Try me baby," Jeff said.

"I don't want to lose you......" Mike looked down at his wrists.

"You won't....just talk to me baby, please?" Jeff pleaded.

"It wont help....." Mike smiled at Jeff. "I know by now that I cant be helped."