If You're Reading This

"Course I can." Alex smiled and laid down beside his husband, carefully taking him in his arms.

"Alex.....If I died tonight.......what would you do?" Mike questioned, he felt like death but he prayed he wasn't dying.

"I don't know baby. I guess you can never know how you'll react to something til it happens..."

Mike smiled. "So maybe you'll be okay after all?" He had hope for his husband to be happy even after he was gone.

"I'm definitely not going to be okay Mike. I just don't know how I'll take it. There will definitely be crying involved..."

Mike sighed. "Baby, why cry for me? I have had the best life in the word with you."

"Which is why I don't want it to be over." Alex said wiping a few tears away.

Mike hummed. "You have always been here for me....always." Mike sighed. "I know I was never really good at helping you or being here for you but...." Mike didn't want to leave his lover.

"You're always here for me whether you're trying to be or not."

Mike hugged Alex to him. "T-Then who's going to be here to help you, you hold you, to love you when im gone?"

"No one." Alex sighed. He didn't like the thought of that but it was the truth.

Mike made a face. He didn't wan anyone else touching his husband but he didnt want him to be alone. "I-I'll find someone......"

Alex shook his head.
"No." He said simply. He didn't want someone else.

"B-But....I can't leave you all alone Alex.." Mike held back a scream at the child kicked again.

"I don't want anyone but you." Alex shook his head. He would never feel the same way about anyone else and he didn't want to be with someone if his whole heart wasn't in it.

"I-Im sure you can learn to love someone just as much as you love me." Mike didn't like it but it was probably true, he was replaceable.

"No I can't Mike. Never ever. Ever." He added for good measure.

"A-Alex baby, im replaceable. You can." Mike kissed his cheek as the pain started to ease off.

"No you are not. How could you even think that?" Alex asked incredulously.

Mike just shook his head. "I doesn't matter." He was so tired and he had Chemo again in a few days.

Alex shook his head.
"You really don't think I love you?" He laughed humorlessly.

"Alex baby," Mike sighed and pecked his lips quickly. "Yes, you love me I know."

"You just act like I could find someone else and move on with a snap of my fingers..."

"Can't you?" Mike didn't see how it would be hard at all. Alex was a fine, hansom, sweet, loving man and anyone would be lucky to have him and with Mike out of the picture, why not?

"NO!" Alex shouted, chest rattling with a loud sob that escaped his lips.