If You're Reading This

Mike jumped and jerked away at the loud shouted word. Mike's face fell as he heard his lover sob. "Shhhhhhhhh, Alex baby its okay." Mike cooed, petting Alex's hair.

"I just don't get how you could think that about me." Alex shook his head.

"What? What do I think about you baby?" Mike didn't think anything bad about his husband that he could remember.

"That I don't love you as much as you love me. You think I could get over you."

"I-I didn't mean to upset you baby, im sorry." Mike took Alex in his arm weakly, he wasn't strong enough to really do any lifting.

"Why do you think that? Was it something I did? Did I never tell you I love you enough? Did I get too jealous? What is it?"

"Shhhhh Alex its nothing like that. I know you love me im your husband, I have been your husband for twenty years. But baby, you cant love anything like I love you and you HAVE to get over me. You can't just give up because I was to weak to defeat this." Mike cooed to his husband.

"Mike, think of this situation reversed. What if I died? Would you move on? Would you even attempt to find someone else?"

"Alex, im not as strong as you are first off. And it doesn't mater because I would die with you the moment you left. But you, you are strong and its not the same. You can make it."

"No! No I cannot. I'm so sick of having to put up an act to seem 'strong'. I'm not! You have no idea how unstable I am out there. When I'm all alone." Alex put his head in his hands.

Mike blinked. Alex had always been strong for him. "A-Alex baby........" Mike sighed and pulled Alex to him.
"Your always strong for me. If you need me to i'll be strong for you right now." He whispered gently.

"I can't make you do that Mike. You're the sick one." Alex shook his head, still resting it on Mike's chest.

"So? Im sick, I have been sick but I will never be sick enough to not feel the need to comfort and love you when your hurting baby." Mike held Alex as tight as he could.

"You shouldn't h-have to. You have fucking c-cancer." Alex sobbed into Mike's t-shirt "I just feel h-horrible. You're sick and yet youre the one c-comforting m-me."

Mike carded his hand through Alex hair. "This is hurting you more than you let on....." Mike leaned down and kissed the top of Alex's head. "I will never be to sick for you, your the reason im still here so anything for you."

"B-baby..." Alex trailed off. He didn't want to argue. He loved being in Mike's arms.

"Shhhhh, let me love you and hold you while I can okay?" Mike shivered and pulled Alex closer. He hummed a tune before singing softly.
"Now turn away, 'Cause I'm awful just to see. 'Cause all my hairs abandoned all my body, Oh, my agony, Baby, I'm just soggy from the chemo But counting down the days to go It just ain't living And I just hope you know That if you say Goodbye today I'd ask you to be true 'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you 'Cause the hardest part of this is leaving you."

The song only made Alex cry harder, clutching onto a piece of Mike's shirt.

"Shhhhhhh." Mike cooed, he knew Alex needed to cry and let it out but he hated seeing his husband so hurt.

"It hurt when you wouldn't let me stay with you Mike." Alex sniffled. "I don't care what you look like. You know that right?"

"Baby I don't know anymore. But the fact is that I care, I don't want you seeing that."

"B-but I want to see that." Alex cried, kissing Mike's neck softly. "I still want to do this." He began sucking on his neck. "I don't care how you look. I'd still make love to you. I'll still hold you. I'll still do everything I did before. The only reason I haven't asked you to make love is because I know you're too fragile now."

"Alex....Im so sorry." Mike shook his head, Alex needed these things and he was to fucking sick and fragile to do any of them. "Im sorry Alex." Mike held onto Alex as tightly as he could. All he could say was 'sorry' because he was sorry for not being what Alex needed.

"Don't be sorry Mike. You can't help you're sick. Why are you apologizing darling?"

"B-Because I can' give you what you need anymore." Mike didn't want to cry right now, h need to be strong for Alex but the lump in his throat wouldn't go away.