I Shouldn't Love You, but I Want To

"It's just the truth." Alex sighed, closing his eyes.

Evan sighed softly, he knew Alex was probably right.

"I'm just gonna go to sleep. Is that okay?" Alex asked,

Evan nodded, "Rest'll do you good," Evan said.

Alex limped to the bedroom and laid down. He fell asleep almost the second his head hit the pillow.

Evan walked into the kitchen to make himself some food.

When Alex woke up it was around two in the morning. Evan was asleep beside him. He slowly stood and made his way to the bathroom.

Evan stirred a bit, but didn't wake up.

Alex just planned on getting a shower. He stripped down, hoping Evan wouldn't mind. As he stepped in, something caught his eye.
A razor blade.
He paused, thinking about this.
Not like anyone would care. Evan might shed a few tears but he'd be over it in a few days. A week tops.
He'd be doing everyone a favor.
He strolled over to the sink and picked up the blade, running the sharp edge over his fingertips. He held it up to the skin on his throat, putting slight pressure on it. It cut into his neck, just gently, drawing a single drop of blood. He took a deep breath and dug the blade deep into his skin, yelping slightly at the pain.

"It hadn't been much longer after Alex had gotten out of bed when Evan realized he was gone. Getting out of the bed Evan began to look for him. "Alex, Alex mi amor, where are you?" Evan called. Then he noticed the bathroom light was on. "Alex?" Evan asked, knocking lightly on the door. Evan gasped at the bloody sight he encountered when he opened it. "No!" Evan cried out. "No no no no no no no," he repeated rushing to Alex's side. "Alex, don't you leave me, don't you do this to me, don't you leave me," Evan pleaded, tears streaming down his cheeks. He'd managed to locate a pulse, it was weak, but Alex was still there.He grabbed his cell phone form the bedroom and called for help, hoping it wouldn't be to late.

Alex wanted to stop Evan.
To say "Just let me go." He wanted to die, this wasn't how it was supposed to go. Evan wasn't supposed to find him while he was still breathing. Alex couldn't move, he was barely conscious but he could still hear.

"Please Alex...p-p-please don't l-leave me," Evan cried. "I love you, please don't go!"

The pain was unbearable. Alex felt as if he was on fire, he could feel the blood pouring from his neck.

Evan held tightly onto Alex's hand as the paramedics came into the home.

"No!" Alex wished he could find the strength to say. He didn't want to be helped. Couldn't they just let him die in peace?

Evan held Alex's hand tightly as the eased him onto the stretcher and out of the home.

Alex couldn't move, his entire body was paralyzed but he could feel the pain, he could hear the voices. He knew he was being taken to the hospital and he didn't like it one bit. He racked his brain for anything to make him die faster. But even if he thought of something it would be useless because he couldn't do it.

Tears rolled faster down Evan's cheeks on the ride to the hospital. "Why'd you do this baby?" Evan sniffled. "Why'd you do this to yourself?"

Alex struggled to form words. He wanted to talk and if he couldn't, he wanted something. A hug maybe.
It took all of his strength to open his mouth. Even then he couldn't make noise.

Evan kissed the back of Alex's hand softly. "Safe your strength mio caro," Evan said softly.

"Let me go." He croaked hoarsely.

Evan shook his head. "I can't do that Alex," Evan said.

"P-please." He begged.

"Alex.......I can't, I love you, I can't," Evan said.

Alex didn't have the strength to argue any more, he let out a whimper. He mouthed the word 'hug.'