I Dream Of Death

"I didn't yell. You got an answer? Tell me."
Mikes eyes were hard.

"Well this is a part of it. I haven't got the rest figured out yet.
When I was with you, I always had to be the rock. The strong one. I didn't mind you're sensitivity but I always had to fake being strong for the kids and you. With Lane I don't have to be afriad to let go..."

Mike nodded slowly.
"Okay....."
If Alex wanted strong he would be strong.

"I'm sorry baby. I'm still figuring out the rest. I'm not lying when I say I don't know."

"Alright."
Mike took a ragged and harshly began washing.

"Say somethin please darlin..." Alex said softly.

"Ummmm...Im sorry im so me...." He shrugged, he WAS going to fix it.

"Baby you don't have to be sorry darling. It's just how you are. And sometimes I love your sensitivity more than Lane's strength. It all depends on what I need at the moment."

"But you love him more, you'll always love him more and that's not pending." Mike shrugged, he had to be strong.

Alex sighed.
"Baby, you always have a part of my heart. You really do."

"Alex, baby im sorry but that not helping right now. Thank you for trying though baby."

Alex sighed.
Mike did have atleast a good quarter of his heart. Critter knew this long ago. And he was aware that he couldn't have that part of Alex.

Mike continued to scrub the cuts, making them bleed, reopening them, washing blood away and making it bleed more.

"Mikey quit that. If we were still living you would have died of blood loss..."

"If we were still living I would have died of heart break" Mike thought bitterly as he scrubbed harder.

Alex sighed, taking a hold of Mike's hands.
"Michael Mizanin Riley, stop it."

"Where do you get that name from? Im not your husband. Your name is not Riley anymore is McCormick, there is no Alex Riley for me to share a name with, Im Mike Gregory Mizanin."

Alex let go of Mike's hands abruptly as if the words sent a shock through him. That hurt more than anything. He shouldn't have expected that Mike would still have his name...

"It wasn't my choice. You gave the name up and put my name back when you said 'I do' to Lane. I didnt ask for it."

Michael Mizanin didn't sound right.
Michael Mizanin.
Michael Mizanin.
Michael Mizanin.
Michael Riley. Yes that was much better. Michael and Alex Riley. No, now it was Michael Mizanin and Alex and Lane McCormick.

Mike turned away.
He was Michael Gregory Mizanin.
Alex had made him change the name he loved so much.

"You're still Michael Riley to me..." Alex sighed.

"Alex, you changed my name. I didnt. No one calls me Michael Riley, I am Mike Mizanin again and I cant change that. I didnt want to lose my name, it was all I had to show you still loved me. Now I have nothing."

"Wh-why can't I still call you that?" Alex asked.

"That is not your name. You are NOT Alex Riley, you are Alex McCormick. Why would anyone call me that when there is not another man with that last name?"