I Dream Of Death

"Okay boo, it was just a bit weird is all."
Daffy flicked Quincy before he and Mike began a whole make out session.

Alex clenched his jaw shooting his husband a pleading look, then a slightly exasperated one at Daffy.

Daffy shrugged, he was trying to get them to stop and he did. But Quincy still placed kisses on his boyfriend's neck, jaw, cheek, anywhere he could reach with Mike in his lap.

Alex gave a small smile although Quincy was still pissing him off. At least he and Lane had common courtesy. They didn't suck face 24/7.

Mike glared at Alex, he didn't know what was going through his mind but it probably wasn't good. He quietly asked Quincy to lay off until they were alone, then he could do more than kiss.

"Hmm... I'm suddenly not hungry anymore." Alex shrugged, nudging his food away and resting his head on Lane's shoulder.

The rest of the night Lane and Quinton and Daffy cracked jokes and laughed as they ate. Later on the fire had burned out and it was late so Sarah took Alex and Lane home.

Alex walked straight to the bedroom without saying a word to either of them. He fell asleep before Lane even laid down with him.

Lane and Sarah stayed up to talk a little but but soon Lane laid down with Alex.

It would be four months before they went back to Daffy's and they went for Daffy's birthday.

When they got there Daffy, as always had a bon fire going. Quinton was chopping wood. Quincy was helping Daffy cook and Mike was talking to Quinton while he chopped the wood. They only thing out of place was Mike, he seemed to have gained weight, he stomach bulged a little bit.

Alex simply sat in the corner not speaking. He hadn't wanted to come in the first place. He hated these fucking 'gettogethers'.
Eventually he stood and walked over to the grill beside Daffy. He had a question.
"... somethin up with Mike?" He asked.

"Yeah, im sure there is but I have not been informed of what yet. Quincy and Mike wont tell me."
He looked at Alex sympathetically.

Alex sighed, once again eyeing Mike's stomach, forcing the horrible thoughts out of his mind. No... no way... Mike couldn't have made love with someone he wasn't in love with that wasn't his Mike...

Soon it was time to eat, but before they dug in, Quincy stood up and told them he had an announcement to make.

"Yeah, sorry for the interruption, I know you are all ready to eat whatever Daffy has burnt today but I just wanted to inform you all that my Mikey here." He took Mike's hand as he stood up and wrapped and arm around his waist. "My Mikey here, is going to make me a daddy." He grinned as Mike gave a small smile and nodded.

Quinton stood up and pulled his brother into a hug Sarah got up quickly and just had to touch Mike's belly. Lane was in shock, and Daffy had yet to process the new information.

Alex had still been standing by the grill when the announcement was made. IT took him a moment. Mike was pregnant... with Quincy's fucking child. He bit down hard on his trembling lip. He felt as if every eye was focused on him. Waiting, daring him to let the tears fall. Waiting so they could all laugh when it happened. Point and laugh at the heartbroken man...
No. Not this time. They would not see him cry. He was out of here. He didn't give a shit what people thought. He darted out of the area as fast as his legs could carry him, before letting the tears roll down his cheeks.

Lane quickly got up he was going to go after his husband but before he really could Daffy told him to stay pt and let him handle it. Lane was skeptical but he did sit back down.

Daffy ran after Alex and soon caught up with him. Daffy pulled Alex to his chest and held him there. He was usually not a huggy, touchy, feely person but he knew how heartbreaking it was. It had to be worse on Alex, having spent thirty years with the man.

"Shhhh, Alex." Daffy tried to sooth the poor man as his own tears fell. Atleast Mike had loved Alex, he didn't love Quincy.

Sob after sob tore through Alex's throat.
"I-is Mike m-mad at me for leaving?! Did he want to get e-even with me?! W-well mission fucking a-acomplished!" Alex screamed, not even caring it was Daffy holding him.

"Alex, he could be mad but when you left he was hurt, and heart broken. You are healing, he wont ever heal. And im sure that is not why he did this. He would never want to hurt you, not ever. You could do anything to him and you have, you left him you did alot to him but he still loves you more than anything. He probably does not even think you give a fuck."

"I mean y-yeah Lane and I have made l-love but i would NEVER fucking do this to Mike! That's why I constantly make him wear a goddamn condom but apparently no one gives a fuck about Alex!" Alex sobbed. "It's always, 'Alex let it go,' 'Alex Mike isn't yours anymore,' 'Alex, you have Lane,' 'Alex, you're ruining everything!' It's always all Alex's fault. No one stops to think that I'm going through shit! They don't see that this is affecting me too! They don't bother wodnering if I cry myself to sleep every goddamn night!" Which each word Alex only cried harder, throwing his arms around Daffy's neck.

"Alex, I know he didnt think this would bother you, he would never want to hurt you. Quincy has always wanted to be a father and Mike, he is too lost and broken to care anymore. I know it hurts, but if you love him and need him then why let him go? You do have Lane, Mike has no one. Lane loves you and you love him. Quincy might love Mike but Mike still loves you. Alex, he cares he and Lane care. Mike cares more than anything. I know he thinks of you, you still the first thing on his mind when he wakes up and the last thing on his mind when he goes to sleep. He loves you so much and you know what, Quinton cares, I care."
Daffy held Alex tightly as tears poured down his own cheeks.

"Everyone just keeps t-telling me to l-let him go. I'm trying! I really a-am but it's not so g-goddamn easy to just get r-rid of someone you have l-loved for thirty y-years. I'll a-always love him and n-no one s-seems to understand that."

"I understand that. I know how it is. But they think that since you left him for Lane. YOU left, you got what you wanted they think you should be fine. I know its not. I love him too, I didnt spend thirty years with him and I didnt wanna leave him but I do love him. The thing for you is he still loves you, its ridiculous but I believe he will always love you more than anything."

"I was doing so good..." Alex whispered. "I was slowly getting better... and then I came to that fucking cook out and all my work, all my attempts to give Lane my everything just vanished. We were right back to the start." Alex sighed. "It just upsets me. Quincy has got to know Mike is not in love with him, right? Do I just know Mike that well or is it obvious?"

"He knows, but without him Mike has no body. You have Lane to wake up too, Lane loves you, he looks out for you he comforts you. Quincy is doing that for Mike. He knows, we all know Alex."

Mike has slipped away, he was worried about Alex and Daffy. He slowly walked up to them, a hand on his baby bump.
"What all do you know?" He asked quietly. What did they know? Alex, Daffy, Lane, Quinton, Quincy, Sarah, no one knew how he felt, how much he hurt.

"All I know is your pregnant. Congratulations." Alex said blankly, looking away. The voice didn't even sound like his. The monotone sound frightened him. What was he becoming?

"You know what Alex, I love you, you can be pissed you can call me a whore, you can make jokes, you can do what you want but I was not the one who left. You left me, I dont want to be alone. You can be an ass if you want to but when it comes down to it alteast you love Lane, you dont go to sleep every night wondering why? Wondering if everything I ever said was a lie, wondering just how much more I love Quincy or whatever. You dont have to, you werent the one who was abandoned."