I Dream Of Death

Alex shook his head. He covered his eyes as he walked out to the main room. He couldn't chance seeing the child.
"I'll be back in a bit Sarah. Tell Lane that." He grabbed his jacket and walked off to find Daffy.

Daffy was taking a nap on the couch. Quinton let Alex in before going back to the kitchen.

Alex didn't want to be rude and wake him so he simply sat down in a chair and waited.

Quinton came back by and looked at him oddly.
"Wake him up, he can sleep later."
Daffy had not slept in days, he had been worried and looking for Mike.
Quinton took a pillow and pressed it too Daffy's face. Daffy made a weird strangled noise before swinging his first and hitting Quinton in the jaw. He sat up with a pissed off scowl. Quinton rubbed his jaw but laughed before going beck to whatever he was doing.

"I'm sorry. Didn't want him to wake you." Alex said softly.

Daffy jumped and rubbed his eyes before turning to Alex.
"Its fine, you should have woken me up if you needed me."
He waited, he knew Alex needed something.

"I don't really know why I'm here... I just needed someone to talk to and Lane isn't understanding how I feel.."

Daffy nodded and sat straighter, hands in his lap.
"The baby? You cant stand the kid."

"Exactly. I can't believe I'm being pushed out of my own house by an infant." Alex sighed. "I wouldn't even look at it..."

"I was like you, I couldnt do it but then Quinton made me hold it. It looks just like Mike, its name is Aaron. And I really hated it but I looked at it and now that Mike is gone I just, I wanted to love that baby for him."

"I just hate this. I don't know if I could do that and if I try and fail well I'll lose it." Alex sighed,

"Why will you lose it? Explain."
Daffy was plying therapist.

"Well everyone says it looks just like Mike. But if I see one little hint of Quincy in it it'll kill me." Alex explained simply.

"The little tuff of hair its got was blond like Quincy's was so it has the color of his hair. And tell me, why does it upset you so much? Did you not want Mike to try and move on?"
Daffy already knew but Alex needed to say this stuff, realize what his problem is before he can fix it.

"Who'd have thought you of all people would become my therapist?" Alex shook his head but thought about this. "I did want him to move on. Well I thought I did. I just can't see them together. And I certainly can not see their child."

"And why is that? Its because you still love him, you still get jealous when he is with someone else. You even hit Lane because he was kissing YOUR Mike." Daffy clicked his tongue. "You dont want Aaron because it is Mike's baby, Mike and Quincy. Not Mike and Alex."

Alex sighed and nodded.
"Yes. How the fuck do you get me more than Lane?" Alex shook his head incredulously.

"Because I loved Mike too. Now, that baby, since Mike is gone, you dont want to stick around. That kid is like having Mike without the history."

Alex nodded.
"I just can't be around it... I'm afraid." He admitted

Daffy smiled and nodded. "Now we're getting somewhere. What are you scared of? Are you scared that the kid would make you want Mike back? Whats so scary about a new born baby?"

"Well there's that. And I'm afraid of seeing what Quincy and Mike made together... what if Quincy is better for Mike than me? And most of all... I'm afraid of Mike really moving on... finally loving someone more than me." Alex sighed. Well there it was. The truth was out. He was a selfish prick.

"Hahahaha selfish prik." Daffy's eyes softened.
"After leaving Mike like you did you dont deserve this but Alex, I don't see what part of Mike loving you more than anything you dont get, he has proved it. Quincy is a good man and that baby is beautiful, but Mike does not love Quincy he still loves you and think about what all you have done, you left him twice but he is always wiling to let you hurt him again if you will just look at him and hold him, kiss him for a second. You do realize your a selfish prik but your the selfish prik he loves. You might have been wrong when you said you would never move on but he wasn't."

Alex looked down and burst into tears. Never. Not fucking once could he go a day without bawling because of Mike.

Daffy sighed and moved to sit with Alex so he could hug him.
"I dont know what its like loving Lane, but Mike is so special. I dont see why you do this to yourself, if you love Mike so much why did you pick Lane?"

"Because I can't live without him..." Alex sighed. "But apparently I can't live without Mike either. And it's too late now even if I would want Mike back...."